sentiments of the drunkard

i feel so lost and perplexed. like everything i value are slipping away from me. my friends, my bridge to the world, my heart.. even my self. i seem not to know the man i see in the mirror anymore. why am i doing THIS thing again? i've been here. i know i made through it and i'm happy with the outcome.. but the process of getting here shattered so many hearts. why am i doing this again? i'm not really like this.. or am i?

i want to stop it before i get so into it.. so deep into it that i may not find my way out. i still think i love beer. but who's BEER? which beer? i don't want to be unfair.. not to anyone.. not to any beer.

-anonymous

the bitter pill

i remember my patient the other day. she was a woman in her late 40's who was rushed to the Emergency Room because she has difficulty of breathing, her heart is beating too rapid (around 200's!) and her blood pressure very high(180/120). it turns out that she is hyperthyroid and is suffering from the fatal thyroid storm. we gave her oxygen at 2lpm, started an IV line and gave her IV meds that would control her blood pressure and slow her heart. (this were measures to control the symproms of the attack, unfortunately, not the cause of the attack itself.) later, we gave her PTU to control her thyroid problem and hopefully stabilize her condition. but when i was giving her the pills, she refused to take them... only for the reason that it is bitter! i was like, "ma'am, i will be giving you meds to control ur thyroid problems. you just have to swallow them." (-*-): "no, i dont want those pills. they're bitter." (-+-): ma'am, you have to take them so you'll feel better"

(-*-): "no. (deep inhale) i (exhale) dont (deep inhale again) like (exhale) them. (deep inhale again).

this went on for like 30 mins and i was like shouting in my head as i listen to her stubborn excuse for not wanting to take the pill., "WOULD YOU JUST TAKE THE GO$%&^% PILL!!! LOOK AT YOURSELF, YOUR BREATHING IS TOO BAD, YOUR HEARTBEAT IS TOO FAST AND YOU MIGHT FU8*^&%$ DIE!"

sometimes, we are like this woman. we too refuse to tke our own pills in our lives. we refuse to confront our fears, we make excuses for not being the person that we ought to be, we linger in our own comfort zones and neglect our brothers who call for our help, we do not appreciate life and love and all that is wonderful around us, we choose to live with the pain rather than forgive the person who wronged us and just move on, we are like this woman who is dying but refuses her medicine simply because it doesnt taste good.

life isnt all candies and chocolates. life can be bitter, unfair and sometimes, cruel. i know you know this, for until you have experienced this, i tell you, you have not truly lived. this paradoxical aspect of life is what makes it fun and exciting. so let not your problems nor your shortcomings stop you from living a happy life. just accept this fact and swallow this bitter pill.

pasa - forte

i just got my passport kanina. pagkatapos ng matagal na pangungulit ng aking mga magulang, finally, nag apply din aku at nakakuha. passport. hmmn. sarap hawakan. sarap tingnan. "ang pamahalaan ng republika ng pilipinas ay humihiling sa lahat ng kinauukulang pamunuan na pahintulutan ang pinagkakalooban nito, isang mamamayan ng Pilipinas, na makaraan ng malaya at walang sagabal, at kung kailangan, ay pag-ukulan siya ng lahat ng tulong at proteksyon ayon sa batas." naks! sarap basahin. at my translation pa sa ingels sa ibaba. parang big time na ang feeling. sa wakas kasi my passes ka na sa mundo. pwede ka ng maglakbay at mamasyal, mangibangbansa para magtrabaho at kumita ng dollars o kaya euro. sarap isipin. sarap pangarapin. pero ano nga ba ang bitbit ng pasaporte? sa piling mga tao ng ating lipunan, luxury travel to, bahamas at hawaii, las vegas at shanghai, thailand at hongkong, disneyland at hollywood dream. pero sa nakakarami sa ating mga kababayan, ito ay badya ng pagkakawatkwatak ng pamilya, ng batang tatanda ng walang tatay sa tabi.. ng sangol na iiyak na walng nanay para ipag-hele xa.. ng magulang na nasa upuan sa my terrace ng bahay at nangungulila sa anak at ng asawang iiyak sa gabi, sabik sa yakap at pag-ibig. kanina, nung tinitingnan ko ang pasaporte na bago lang sa king kamay. habang iniisip ko kung anong mga tatak naman kaya ang maimamarka duon.. o kung meron ba, naisip ko rin ang mga kababayan nating nagsasakripisyo sa ibang bansa. mga bayaning wala sa sariling bayan.. patriots in exile. ipagdasal natin sila.. na sana maging matatag sila, at di masilaw sa karangyaan ng dayuhang bansa. na sana ay manatiling tapat sa kanilang pamilyang iniwan sa bansa. at patuloy na isabuhay at ipagmalaki ang dugong bayaning nanalaytay sa kanilang mga ugat.. sa gitna ng mapangakit at mapagmalaking dayuhan. sya nawa.

sad day

sad things happened today. the first one, obviously, the one that made all filipinos down heartened is the laying of the late president cory aquino to her final resting place. though im not really a fan of the aquinos nor her administration, i believe, as i saw it on tv, and heard from the people close to her during their interviews and her necrological services, that she really is a good person. she must be a really good person. in an episode of HOUSE, it was mentioned and i quote, "when a good person dies, the whole world must know" or at least somebody must be affected. the overwhelming crowd that joined her and her family is enough proof to this. RIP cory. my prayer goes to you and to your family.
the second thing that made this day heartbreaking is that today is my brother's flight to the US were he will stay for 2 years to study. i know 2 years aint that long.. but the thought of not having him around as i have and as we as a family have been used too really crushes my heart. he really is a good brother. a big brother that you can look up to proudly and ask anything and evrything and not be judged. though he is brightest in the family, he also is the most humble. no stupid questions for him. "di ka mababara, kaya di ka matatakot magkwento at magtanong". not very showy of his emotions though, not very vocal with how he feels, but very sensitive to the feelings of others. i remember when i was studying until i graduated but has no work yet, he patiently provided me with whatever he can afford. you need not ask twice.. sometimes, you need not even ask at all. he gives without asking for anything.. not even favors. so no pressure at for you. he believes in the potential of the people around him. he never underestimates. ko, ingat ka jan sa US. though u know you can get through this, as you have been trained for this in the seminary, please know that we are always here for you. at anytime that you miss us, text ka lang. or chat. or message ka sa facebook.=)
we are proud of you ko. GB!

e-heads at si marian

nakita mu na ba ang eheads ksama si marian? hmmn. malupet na banda at sobrang gandang marian. sarap. kahapon ko lang nagawang pagsamahin yung dalawa. noon ko pa gustong gawin pero ewan ko ba.. ala time? nyahahah. anyway nagawa ko rin.. finally. sarap tugtugin ng mga eheads songs with MY marian. ganda ng marian ko e. an sexy pa. di ko nga sya pinapahawak sa iba e.. hangat maari. baka kasi magselos sya. nyahahah. kaya proud ako sa kania. teka pakilala ko sya sayo. blogista, si marian - ang gitara ko. marian, ang mga follower natin. =)

preface

naisip ko lang gumawa ng bagong blog ngayon. sa totoo lang pang sampung blog ko na ata to.. lahat puro simula.. di ko nauupdate. ewan ko ba, parang nawawala ang momentum eh at tumitirik na lang bigla ang sasakyan. anyway, ngayon, sisikapin kong i-maintain ang blog na to. maguupdate ako ng madalas para marami tayong mapagkwentuhan. kaya labas mu na yang pepsi at maginuman n na tayo. sagot ko ang kwento